The following is a MOCK RFC, it is NOT (yet) a proper Request For Comments. Network Working Group N. Soffer Request for Comments: 6666 The Hebrew University Category: Extension June, 1998 SLTP - The Simple LART Transfer Protocol Status of this Memo This document specifies an Internet standards track protocol for the Internet community, and requests discussion and suggestions for improvements. Please refer to the current edition of the "Internet Official Protocol Standards" (STD 1) for the standardization state and status of this protocol. Distribution of this memo is unlimited. Abstract SLTP is a proposed protocol for the remote application of a LART, preferably painful and heavy, on lusers who annoy a currently incapcitated sysadmin. (Be it from being hung over, caffeine deprived, or just playing xquake.). The protocol works over TCP and is deriative of SMTP (RFC 821). Acknowledgement SLTP has been the brainchild of the denizens of alt.sysadmin.recovery, it has been first developed for the lartd daemon, and has evolved since. The designer of the current version of the protocol is Nir Soffer, who can be reached via email at scorpios@cs.huji.ac.il. 1. Introduction The objective of SLTP is to efficiently and painfully distribute a LART via TCP. The implementation of which requires some kind of electric signal -> physical pain catalyst, in the shape and form of electric chairs, mechanically controlled 2 by 4s, or large, metal mallets attached to solenoids. Since SLTP is built upon SMTP it is possible to relay LARTs, and even store them for delayed LARTage in case a SLTP server crashes, by use of the LX (LART eXchange) DNS option. 2. Extensions and Changes to SMTP The following table shows the changes in commands between SMTP and SLTP: |----------------------------------------------------------------| | SMTP | SLTP | Usage: | |----------------------------------------------------------------| |HELO |YO | YO | |----------------------------------------------------------------| |MAIL FROM: |LART FROM:| LART FROM: | |-----------|----------|-----------------------------------------| |DATA |CLUE | CLUE | |----------------------------------------------------------------| RCPT is now synomynous with WHAP . The following list is a list of the extensions in SLTP and their syntax: LUSER The LUSER command is designed to have several sub options, there is only one defines as of today, it is: CLASS The LUSER CLASS command accepts a numeric value - or a symbolic value to define that number (some default symbolic values are in Appendix A ) The LUSER CLASS command affects the severity of the LART received by the Recepient. From a mild zapping to a total knock out toasting. The LUSER CLASS command MUST be sent to the server AFTER the LART command. It MAY be put before the RCPT command or it after MAY be put after the RCPT command. Otherwise a 504 error message is displayed. (See RFC 821, Section 4.2.2 and 4.2.1). 3. Example SLTP session: The following is an example of an SLTP session to show you the exact nature of SLTP. This is a simple and concise LARTage. R: 220 LART server ready on port 666. S: YO R: 250 Yo My Man, Nice to meetcha. S: LART FROM: R: 250 Sure, man. S: RCPT TO: R: 250 Sure, man. S: LUSER CLASS: R: 250 Sure, man. S: CLUE R: 354 Start clue input; end with . S: Disk quota is finite, fuckhead. S: . R: 250 Sure, man. S: QUIT R: 221 Seeya around, homeboy. Appendices: Appendix A: Luser Class values: In general, the lusers cluelessness rating varies between 2 values, 1, and 500. The following is a table to show numeric -> real life -> default symbolic value ratios. |-------------------------------------------------------------------| | Numeric Range | Symbolic | Detail | | / Value | names | | |-------------------------------------------------------------------| | 1 | fine | He's a luser alright, but one | | | zap | that may actually learn from a | | | | LART. | |-------------------------------------------------------------------| | 100 | moron | He just asked for a Win'98 | | | sizzle | upgrade. | |-------------------------------------------------------------------| | 200 | dimwit | He just asked for a Win'98 | | | burn | upgrade.... | | | | ...On his laser printer. | |-------------------------------------------------------------------| | 300 | fuckhead | He just got sassy. He deserves | | | fsckhead | to be in agonizing pain. | |-------------------------------------------------------------------| | 400 | droolingchimp| The internet isn't down, you | | | | stupid fsck. | |-----------------|--------------|----------------------------------| | 500 | spammer | Don't *WHAP* *WHAP* touch *WHAP* | | | toasty | *WHAP* THAT! AKA 'Too stupid to | | | | live.' | |-----------------|--------------|----------------------------------|